STOP Fighting Over The Kids Available Now On Amazon.com

We are delighted to announce that "Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations" is now available for purchase exclusively on www.Amazon.com.

To find out more about the book, read reviews, or learn more about the author Mike Mastracci we invite you to visit the book's website at www.StopFightingOverTheKids.com today!

If you know someone who is going through a separation or divorce, make sure that they get the information they need to keep their children out of adult conflicts. In "Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations" Family Law attorney, Mike Mastracci provides a road map that no divorcing parent should be without. Find out what the experts have already said about this new Amazon release:

"STOP Fighting Over the Kids provides the tools, resources and insight that every divorcing parent needs. You will learn how to promote and foster the right mindset from someone who has 'walked the walk.' This book is excellent, especially for those who are serious about keeping their children out of the middle of parental conflict."
– Raoul Felder, Celebrity Divorce Lawyer (Read more reviews.)

Celebrity Divorce Lawyer, Raoul Felder has been regarded as a Divorce Lawyer Extraordinaire and has represented scores of celebrities and high profile figures for decades. Some of his clients have included, Mayor Rudy Juliani, Riddick Bowe and the wives of Mick Jagger, Mel Brooks, Martin Scorsese, Robin Leach, Carson DePalma, and Mike Tyson.

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Children As Messengers And Spies During Your Divorce – Don't Go There!
by Mike Mastracci

When there is ongoing custody conflict, children should rarely be asked to relay messages to their other parent. Asking a child to carry messages is yet another lose-lose proposition. By asking your child to be a messenger you do nothing to improve your parental communication skills with the other parent. Furthermore, you place your child directly in the middle of an area already ripe for a communication meltdown. Even a seemingly simple and benevolent message can lead to chaos.

Here's an example that may sound familiar: "Tell your father that we have plans on Friday night so he can pick you up on Saturday at 10 a.m. instead of Friday at 6 p.m."

In a case like this, Mom may be pretending, or even genuinely believing, that she is doing a good deed by giving Dad advance notice and avoiding any confrontation between the two of them over this issue. Either way, she is WRONG!

Let's look at the potential pitfalls in this one simple scenario:

• The child forgets (or because of the desire to avoid conflict pretends to forget), and the result is that Dad shows up on Friday night and no one is home.
  
  
• The child tells Dad, as instructed by Mom, and Dad blows a fuse. The result is a bad transition time for father and child.
  
  
• Dad says, "When you go back to your Mother's, tell her that I will be there as scheduled," and the child forgets (or pretends to forget) to deliver the message to avoid any more conflict.
  
  
• The child feels apprehensive, doesn't want to hurt Dad's feelings, and is upset with Mom for "causing" this dilemma.
  
  
• Dad says, "Tell your Mom that you'd better be there on Friday night as planned or I'll (call the police, call my lawyer, file contempt proceedings...)." – You fill in the blank.
  
  
• It's Friday night, Mom wants the child to go to the planned event, and the child is apprehensive about going because of the situation; the child is expecting Dad to show up and "cause a scene." They leave before Dad's scheduled time just in case. The next morning there is a bad exchange between the parents in front of the child.
  
  
• When Dad arrives on Saturday the child may get the third degree about what plans were "so important." Dad bad-mouthing Mom then becomes more likely.
  
  
• Questions like what, where, when, why, what time, and who was there, may potentially consume the transition time between homes.
  
  
• What if Dad had special plans for Friday night that the child would have really enjoyed?
  
  

All of this headache and heartache can be avoided when parents act like grown-ups and do their own communicating. There is almost never a reason for your children to act as go-betweens. It can be avoided with a little effort and some creative maneuvering. When you allow yourself to use your children as messengers, you're really placing responsibility on them that belongs to you. Don't load your children down with your own burdens. Don't make life easier for yourself by making it more complicated for them.

If treating your children as messengers isn't bad enough, it is really inappropriate to use them as "spies". When children are told to report on the activities of the other parent, it places the children in a no-win situation. Even worse, using your children as spies has other negative consequences. It promotes lying and deceit. Encouraging spying promotes picking sides. It also creates loyalty conflicts for your children. As a result, children may clam up, become untruthful, or untrustworthy.

It can be difficult to break the habit of inappropriately questioning your children after they return from time spent with the other parent, but it must be done. A little child-focused thinking should get you there. Think about how it feels for your children to transition from one home to the other. When they return to you, they want to know you're happy to see them and that you're focused on them. Interrogation does not start your transition time off on a good note, and it makes children very uncomfortable whether they outwardly show it or not. Furthermore, if your children are worried that they'll have to "report" to you, transition time will be awkward for them. Instead of focusing on how your children have already spent their time, focus on how you’re going to spend your time with them.

Obviously, there are some common-sense exceptions. Real and legitimate safety or health issues fall into that category. But that's not what I'm talking about in this article, I'm talking about when you want to know whether Daddy's new girlfriend went to the zoo with them. Don't make a situation such as this even more complicated for your children. They'll tell you what they want to tell you, and they'll be a whole lot more likely to do so when you don't give them the third degree or send them to purposely spy.

Children are smarter than you think. Simple communication designed to surreptitiously interrogate the children is not going to work for long. They will try desperately to exercise their right to remain silent. The reason they will do this is because they know that anything they say can and will generally be used against them - in one way or another! Again, the key is to focus on the life you and your children live together and enjoy every moment of it.

This is just one article that is similar to the information you will find in my new book, "Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations" . I invite you to purchase it on Amazon.com today.

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From Our Divorce Without Dishonor® Blog - Divorce to Wholeness

No matter what our religious or spiritual beliefs, when going through difficult times like divorce, it can be helpful to turn to our deepest beliefs to help us cope and grow into better, stronger individuals. When we come from the best part ourselves, holding onto our highest ideals, we can use the painful experience of divorce to create gains from the loss. We can heal our wounds, and reclaim the wholeness of who we are.

Instead of remaining mired in our anger or hurt, we can transcend our brokenness to see the truth of who we can be. If you find yourself in the midst of the pain right now, it may seem impossible to find that light at the end of the tunnel and keep it in sight. But if you can even allow yourself to believe that possibly the worst experience of your life can bring positive changes, it can be the beginning of those changes for you.

There are several spiritual laws that seem to be common to all beliefs that can help you find your way through the challenges you're facing. They include: acceptance, surrender, trust and responsibility, choice, forgiveness and inspired creativity.

Visit our blog at www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com to read other stories, helpful hints, and interact with other readers.

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