We're excited to announce that our book, Stop Fighting Over the Kids, Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations by Mike Mastracci, should be out soon on Amazon.com.
Just click our book cover to send an email note to our webmaster to get on the advanced notification list. We'll let you know when it is available so you can be the first to buy it on Amazon.
We will also have an e-book version available for sale in the near future. We'll keep you posted in this e-newsletter.
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How Collaborative Practice Benefits Children
By Michael A. Mastracci, Esq.
Published in Trial Reporter Winter 2008 Issue
Other than perhaps the death of a parent, divorce is often the single most traumatic event in a child's life. In America 60% of all marriages end in divorce and a third of those divorces involve bitter conflict. One million children in our country are involved in divorce each year. These children are twice as likely as children from intact homes to develop behavior problems, psychiatric illness and addictions. Children of divorce are 50% more likely to divorce than children from intact homes, perpetuating the cycle and driving statistics up each year.
As typically practiced in America, divorce rips asunder the very foundation of a child's world. It shatters the family structure, destroys communication between the parents, and irrevocably changes the child's relationship with each parent. Children suffer not only their own fears and misery over the loss of the family but, too often, are used as pawns by one parent to hurt the other. Out of anger or emotional need, one parent may seek to monopolize the child's time and affection to the exclusion of the other parent. There are no winners in a divorce. Everyone loses, but the children lose most of all.
Divorce professionals and researchers alike have concluded that how a couple conducts themselves during a divorce has far greater impact on their children than the separation itself. Weary of acrimonious divorce battles that dragged on in court and the expense and emotional damage they cause, attorneys and clients sought a more constructive way of divorcing. The sad reality is that divorce involves far too many complex personal and family issues to be adequately addressed and appropriately resolved by an already overwhelmed judiciary. People wanted to maintain control over their lives, not have decisions that would have such a major impact on their future dictated by an uninvested third party through the courts.
Collaborative Practice (also called Collaborative Law and Collaborative Divorce) became the answer. Founded in 1990 by Minnesota attorney Stuart G. Webb, collaborative practice focuses on the fact that divorce is not just a painful ending but can also be a new beginning. Stressing cooperation over confrontation and resolution over revenge, collaborative divorce is quickly transforming how couples dissolve their marriages, divide their assets, and reinvent their post-divorce parenting relationships. "Collaborative practice promotes respect, places the needs of the children first and keeps control of the process with the spouses," explains the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) website (www.CollaborativePractice.com).
An alternative to traditional litigious divorce and child custody proceedings, collaborative law is a commitment to a principled, negotiated settlement that focuses on client empowerment. It harnesses the problem-solving skills of both attorneys and their clients to arrive at creative settlements that address the needs of each parent and their children without the threat or use of court action. The collaborative law method provides the tools, resources, and professional assistance in a specialized and structured framework to achieve effective outcomes for families in transition. Interest in collaborative law is growing and is now practiced in the U.S., Canada, United Kingdom, New Zealand and Switzerland.
Read the rest of the article online.
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Separating from Your Spouse: A Tip Sheet for Moving Out
When you are convinced your marriage cannot be saved, before moving out or doing anything else, have legal separation documents drawn up by an attorney so you can best protect yourself in the upcoming trying and stressful times ahead. Once those are completed and signed, if you are the one moving out, below is a tip sheet to help guide you through this next phase of your divorce:
- If you are renting, have your name taken off the lease otherwise you may be held responsible for both the rent there and the rent in your new place.
- Remove your name from all of the utilities (cable, phone, trash, electric, water, etc.) or you could be held responsible for them as well.
- Forward your mail to a PO box, a close friend, or relative. Don't let your mail accumulate at your old residence.
- Cancel or freeze all joint credit accounts because you are legally responsible for any debt that accrues. Both of you should get separate credit cards.
- Make sure to jot down all addresses, phone numbers, account numbers pertaining to things like mortgages, bank and credit card accounts, insurance policies, pensions, or any other financial arrangements you or your spouse might have or share.
- Take with you a copy of all tax records of the last 6 years.
- List what is in the safety deposit boxes and take photos for your records. Be sure to remove any personal items that are yours.
- Pack up anything you own that you will want later or things you'll need to set up housekeeping at your new place. This includes medication, clothes, shoes, pictures, family heirlooms, mementos, school and medical records, dishes, phones, cleaning supplies, your computer, office supplies, towels, bedding, sports gear, and outdoor equipment. Remember that what you don't take with you may not be accessible to you in the future. If there is a disputed item, it is best to leave it there, take a photograph, and make a note that this is one you would like in the final settlement.
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