Researchers admitted that the findings go against the commonly held beliefs about what divorce does to children and to the parent-child bond. We are usually told that divorce shatters children and can really damage the emotional connection with one or both parents.

The study focused on three aspects of parenting: how parents nurture, how consistent they are, and how they punish their children. Researchers found that parents in solid unions and parents who had divorced both functioned in the same way in these areas before and after a divorce.

One of the head researchers did admit, however, that there are parents who do not cope well with divorce and that this strain will have a bearing on their parenting skills.

Studies or no, we all know that stress causes us to alter our behavior and the stress of a contentious divorce will have an effect on your children.

When you opt for a collaborative divorce, you are choosing a path that will give you a greater sense of calm.

For many dads, the separation seems to be a matter of both shame and self-preservation. In the competitive masculine world with its focus on winning, divorce is seen as failure, as losing. Post-divorce conflict over child support, parenting and visitation only augments feelings of failure. Coupled with dating, remarriage or job relocation, these factors can strain a father’s relationship with his family to the breaking point. Some men simply grow weary of fighting and give up. New girlfriends or wives can exert additional pressure on fathers to spend less time with their children. Pushing away from the pain and anger of a situation they cannot control, fathers abandon the children they love to become “ghost dads.”

The all too common phenomenon is a tragedy for the entire family, particularly the children. Collaborative divorce can create an avenue of communication and an atmosphere of respect that encourages fathers to remain a vibrant part of their children’s lives. Click here for more information on collaborative divorce.

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Those closest to you are not the ones going through the divorce, but do not underestimate the effect it will have on them. For some of them you may have been an example. Others will feel your pain because they have already been through it. In fact they may in some ways relive their own divorce as they see you going through yours.

We cannot say that a collaborative divorce will ease the pain or discomfort that those in your social circle will feel when you divorce, but we can say that the spirit of cooperation will help you handle the fallout better.

If a family member or friend starts to badmouth your former spouse or gives unsolicited advice about vengeful ways you can deal with the situation, you can calmly tell them that the two of you are handling the divorce in a calm manner.

Follow these tips to protect your credit rating during and after divorce:

• Pay off joint debts. Until they’re paid, you’re both responsible. If they can’t be paid, freeze the account so neither of you can increase the debt.
• Get a credit card in your own name, then cancel joint credit cards. Make sure you remove your name as a user on your spouse’s cards to prevent their credit issues from also being reported under your name.
• Pay off car loans and retitle each vehicle in only one name.
• If you have trouble paying monthly bills due to illness or job loss, talk to your creditors and work out a payment arrangement. Unpaid debt will be reported and can lower your credit score.

For more tips, click here to read the whole article.

For the more than 40 million divorced women out there, First Wives World promises discovery, inspiration, connection — and fun! Registration is easy (and free!) and provides you with a bi-weekly newsletter covering site news and upcoming regional events. As you browse the site, you’ll find information conveniently divided into special sections — all divorce stages, contemplating, navigating and moving beyond — making it easy to pinpoint the information you need with just a mouse click.

Some of the features won’t want to miss:

• Hot Flashes, the hilarious continuing escapades of a 40-something divorcee with kids written by Grey’s Anatomy writer Mimi Schmir.
• Sarah Farthing’s vlog (video blog) chronicling her journey down divorce’s rocky road and beyond.
• Great articles such as: What Not to Say in Front of the Kids, Unlocking and Living Your Dreams Post Divorce, Don’t Date Him, Girl and Protecting Your Credit When a Marriage Ends.
• Catch up on the latest celebrity divorce gossip: Hoff’s in the House…But Why?
• Kathy Kaehler’s energizing video diary that injects a sense of humor into some great exercise routines.