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In the current issue, you’ll find a fascinating article on how collaborative divorce benefits children. With 60% of American marriages ending in divorce and a third of them involving bitter conflict, often about child custody, collaborative divorce provides a much-needed positive solution. One million children will be involved in divorce this year. They are more likely to develop behavior problems, psychiatric illness and addictions. Children of divorce are 50% more likely to divorce than children from intact homes, perpetuating the cycle.

With its emphasis on children’s needs and focus on respectful communication and creative problem-solving between divorcing spouses, collaborative divorce offers real hope for breaking the cycle of divorce. Click here to read the full newsletter article.

In this issue of the Divorce Without Dishonor newsletter, you’ll also find helpful information on separating from your spouse and a tip sheet for moving out. Don’t miss your opportunity to receive our informative newsletter; sign up today.

My new book, Stop Fighting Over the Kids, Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, will be available soon on Amazon.com. An e-book version will also be available in the near future. To receive advanced notification of the book’s availability on Amazon, email my webmaster at: webmaster@mccordweb.com.

My own acrimonious divorce and bitter child custody battle led me to search for a better, less damaging way to end a marriage. In collaborative divorce I have found a way for partners to separate their lives without destroying them. Collaborative divorce emphasizes the well-being of each member of the family, with a special emphasis on the needs of the children. It allows for creative, outside-the-box solutions to custody issues that are tailored to the individual needs of each family.

Proceedings take place outside the courtroom, usually in a lawyer’s or counselor’s office,  in an atmosphere of support, problem-solving and conflict resolution. Collaborative divorce allows both parties to establish and practice effective communication habits that will allow them to parent cooperatively after divorce. Collaborative divorce recognizes and emphasizes the importance of both parents in their children’s lives and helps to structure child custody arrangements that meet the changing needs of the child, as well as the capabilities of the parents.

If your marriage is ending, I urge you and your spouse to consider collaborative divorce and stop fighting over the kids, for your sake and theirs.

If you are an attorney or professional interested in the practice of collaborative law, an excellent two-day Collaborative Law Basic Training Course has been scheduled in the Baltimore area for Friday, March 14 and Saturday, March 15, 2008. The course is open to attorneys, mental health professionals and financial professionals but is primarily geared to attorneys practicing family law.

The training will be conducted by attorney Sherri Goren Slovin who has practiced law in Cincinnati, Ohio for 27 years. Sherri’s practice is focused on collaborative law, collaborative practice and mediation. She is an Ohio State Bar Association Certified Family Relations Law Specialist and outstanding credentials to the training course:

• Founding member and past chairperson of the Collaborative Family Lawyers of Cincinnati, among the earliest practice groups formed in the U.S.
• Member of the Board of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
• Co-chair of the IACP Practice Group Leadership Committee
• Extensive ADR training, including Harvard Law School’s advanced negotiation skills program
• Author of numerous articles on collaborative practice and collaborative negotiation
• Nationally and internationally sought workshop leader on collaborative family law, collaborative practice and collaborative negotiation
• Named one of the top 50 female lawyers in Ohio by Ohio Super Lawyers in 2004, 2005 and 2006
• Selected by her peers for inclusion in The Best Lawyers in America since 2001
• Awarded the highest rating (AV) by Martindale Hubbell

Registrations received before December 20, 2007 are $425; after December 20, the cost is $450. Space is limited to 40 participants. A Certificate of Attendance will be awarded to those who attend both days of training. Please click here for additional information and to print a registration form.

The course will be held at the Turf Valley Resort located in Ellicott City (Baltimore area), Maryland. A block of hotel rooms has been reserved for course participants at a discounted price. To receive the discount, please mention code CL#27L200 when you make your reservations. Reservations can be made by calling the resort directly at 410-465-1500 or toll-free at 888-833-8873.

If you have any questions, please contact attorney Ali Doyle, Esq. at 443-520-9690, via email at ADoyleLaw@aol.com or click here to visit her website.

Children love to play games. Games can help children understand difficult concepts and talk about things that bother them. Earthquake in Zipland is a new computer game on the market designed to help children understand, talk about and cope with their parents’ divorce or separation.

Brought to my attention and recommended by colleague Rosalind Sedacca, Earthquake in Zipland is an interactive computer adventure game designed as a quest. The game is earning the praise of counselors and other professionals who work with children coping with divorce. Fun, challenging, creative and attractively designed, it’s a game you and your children can enjoy playing together or that your child can play by himself. 

Rosalind and I give Earthquake in Zipland our highest recommendation. Geared for children 7 to 12, the game can help children coping with divorce:

• identify and cope with situations that parallel those they are struggling with in their own lives; 
• distance themselves from personal experiences and approach feelings they tend to ignore such as anger, helplessness, blame, shame and loneliness;
• cope with both the separation and fantasy of bringing their parents back together;
• express painful feelings they have not been able to talk about; and
• learn to open up about their feelings in a non-threatening environment

Earthquake in Zipland may be the tool you’ve been looking for to help your children talk with you about the divorce and cope with their feelings. For more information on Earthquake in Zipland and to order, click the link.

Telling your children you’ve decided to get divorced is a difficult task. It’s hard to find the right words to say and even harder not to let your own anger, hurt,  fear and disappointment color your words. But how you tell your children that mom and dad won’t be living together anymore can make a significant difference in their own ability to accept and adjust to the divorce.

How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! is an innovative aid developed to help parents talk to their children about divorce. Developed by therapist Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, after divorce forced her to have this conversation with her own children, the book guides parents in creating a personalized photo album-style book to use when they talk to their children about their divorce.

Fill-in-the-blank templates for creating a personalized story with age-appropriate text are provided with Sedacca’s informative book for parents, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? The book answers parents’ questions and helps them find the appropriate words to say to their children.

Sedacca says the six essential messages you must give your children when you tell them you are getting divorced are:

1. You are, and always will be, loved by Mom and Dad.
2. You are, and will continue to be, safe.
3. You are not to blame for any of this.
4. Mom and Dad will still always be your Mom and Dad.
5. This is about change, not about blame.
6. Everything is going to be okay.

How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? is a valuable guidebook for parents. This book will help you find the right words to use when talking to your children about your divorce. I recommend it. For more information on How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? by Rosalind Sedacca and the companion Create-a-Story guide, click here.

Alimony.’ Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce.’ Also called spousal support or spousal maintenance.

Alternative dispute resolution (ADR).’ Methods of resolving legal disputes without going to trial, in a less adversarial manner, such as through arbitration or mediation.

Arrearage.’ The amount of money that is past due for child or spousal support.
Child support.’ Money that a non-custodial parent pays to the custodial parent for their child(ren)’s support.

Child support guidelines.’ Guidelines established by statute or rule in each jurisdiction that set forth the manner in which child support must be calculated, generally based on the income of the parents and the needs of the children.

Custody.’ Having rights to your child.’ Custody can be either legal, which means that you have the right to make important decisions about your child’s welfare, or physical, which means that the child lives with and is raised by you.

Decree.’ The court’s written order or decision finalizing the divorce, often issued in conjunction with the court’s judgment.

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An uncontested divorce is where husband and wife can reach a decision as to the terms of the divorce without going to trial. While no divorce is truly "uncontested" in the sense that there are no disagreements, these disagreements do not always have to be resolved in court.

Uncontested divorce is the way most people divorce. Compared to the protracted litigation usually involved in contested divorces, an uncontested divorce is simpler, far less expensive and much quicker. Uncontested divorce also offers you and your spouse the opportunity to end your marriage quietly and with dignity. While uncontested divorce is not viable for every divorcing couple, it is appropriate for many more couples than some divorce lawyers like to admit.

Believe it or not, you and your spouse do not have to yet agree on every issue for an uncontested divorce to be right for you. It’s not so much a question of agreement as a desire to minimize the legal expenses badly enough that you are motivated to stop fighting, stay in control, and work together as you end your marriage.

If you and your spouse do not yet agree on each and every issue of your divorce, that just means you have some negotiating to do. Mediation can be a useful tool to help you and your spouse find common ground on the difficult issues facing the both of you.

The most obvious advantage of uncontested divorce is its cost. Generally, an uncontested divorce that stays uncontested is almost always the least expensive way of getting divorced. I’m a big believer in finding the least expensive way to divorce. The simple fact is that any money you can avoid spending on lawyers is money you can use for living expenses after the divorce.Low cost is not the only advantage of uncontested divorce. If the level of conflict between you and your spouse is currently low, uncontested divorce offers a way to keep it that way.

An uncontested divorce is also more private than a divorce battle waged in open court. The terms you and your spouse negotiate and file with the court will be a matter of public record, but the disclosures and proposals made during negotiation can remain private, unlike the dirty laundry aired in open court. 

Another positive attribute of uncontested divorce is that a divorce decree can be obtained much more quickly than in a contested divorce. In Oklahoma, if there are no children of the marriage, a divorce decree can be issued within ten days of the filing of the divorce petition. If minor children are involved, there is a ninety day waiting period. On the other hand, an average time to complete a contested divorce case would be closer to six months or maybe longer depending on the complexity of the case and the level of cooperation between the parties.

Borrowed From:

http://oklahomafamilylawblog.typepad.com

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Mary Whisner at shlep, the legal self-help blog, points to an article on "The Many Costs of Conflict"

What do you make of a new book on divorce for women by attorney Sherri Donovan: Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More.

Mary Whisner at shlep, the legal self-help blog, points to an article on "The Many Costs of Conflict" by dispute resolution consultant Stewart Levine, which describes the heavy financial, emotional, and other tolls that conflict exacts.

According to Levine, these include:

Direct Cost: Fees of lawyers and other professionals

Productivity Cost: Value of lost time. The opportunity cost of what those involved would otherwise be producing.

Continuity Cost: Loss of ongoing relationships including the "community" they embody

Emotional Cost: The pain of focusing on and being held hostage by your emotions
It made me wonder what shlep and Levine would make of a new book on divorce for women by attorney Sherri Donovan: Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More.

The pugilistic theme doesn’t end with the title: the book jacket is adorned with a photo of a blood-red boxing glove. Chapters include "Are You Ready to Rumble?", "Divorce Ain’t for Sissies", "Sizing Up Your Opponent", "Conditioning for the Fight of Your Life", and "Psyching Up for the Fight".

It should leave us all asking what kind of casualties result when divorce is framed as either prizefight or combat.

Georgia Family Law Blog

News and Thoughts on Family Law Issues on Divorce, Alimony, Child Support, Child Custody, Visitation, Property Division, Adoption, Paternity, Legitimation, Grandparent’s Visitation and More

http://sworrall.typepad.com/georgia_family_law

One book I recently recommended to a client was a "must read" for him. According to my client, I earned my fee just for recommending it! The book is Divorce Poison by : Warshak.

I was thinking of doing a summary of what the book covers and then pulling some quotes out etc: Like @ page 160, for example: "If your children view your ex as all good and you as all bad, try to help them understand that ambivalence in relationships is normal. Explain that everyone has good and bad points, and that parents and children don’t stop loving each other just because they are not perfectly good all the time. Gently remind them of some of the negative things their other parent has done and explain that these do not wipe out all the good that parent has done. Don’t let your anger keep you from thinking of your ex’s good points; in most cases the alienating parent has done many things over the years on behalf of the children. If your children grasp the concepts that no one is perfect and that it is okay to have mixed feelings about people you love, they will be less apt to view you in an entirely negative light."

    I have about 10 books that are helpful for those "on the path." I intend to put reviews of books that should be read on my site’s "RECOMMENDED READING SECTION." If you would like to recommend any boofks or resources, please let me know. Thank you. mike@mikethelawyer.com

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