Divorce Without Dishonor

When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot — but I always found them. — Rodney Dangerfield

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. — Bill Cosby

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? — Milton Berle

A fool empties his head every time he opens his mouth.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up. — Mark Twain

Do you know the difference between a beautiful woman and a charming one? A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you. — Adlai Stevenson

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

In the spirit of Christmas, I would like to share with you the following email I received from a friend. It’s about compassion, love, humanity, helping those less fortunate than ourselves and the choices we make in our everyday lives.  

Have a Shay Day! 

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped, comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?”  Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father’s joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do the boys let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all his team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!” Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!” Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right-fielder had the ball – the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions; so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the way, Shay!”

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!” As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and the spectators were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!” Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

I was touched by this story and the thoughtful words of the original sender: “We all send thousands of jokes through email without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace; but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces. We can all make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things.’ So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?”

A wise man once said, our society is judged by how we treat the least fortunate amongst us. It’s a good lesson for each of us and a good lesson to teach our children. Merry Christmas! Have a Shay Day!

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne is the latest pop culture guide to life. Read and talked about by everyone from Ophra to my sister, The Secret is said to reveal the most powerful law of the universe, to offer a life-changing path to universal joy and peace. Without judging the mysticism of The Secret, I find value in the author’s idea that there are certain words we can say to each other that have the power to change our lives for the better.

“Thank you” are the two words Byrne believes can bring you “absolute joy and happiness.” In The Secret Scrolls she writes that the words “thank you” are “Two words that will create miracles in your life…. Gratitude is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to transform your life.”

Saying “thank you” is one of the oldest and most common of social courtesies. We thank the grocery cashier for handing us our change. We thank strangers for holding the door as we enter a building. We thank the waiter at our favorite eatery for bringing our food. We say “thank you” to total strangers countless times a day. It’s a rote response, the automatic acknowledgment of common courtesy.

Yet, how often do we thank the people who matter most in our lives? How often do we thank our spouse for their contributions to the family? When was the last time you thanked your spouse for cooking dinner? When was the last time you said “thank you” when your spouse brought home a paycheck or sent the child support payment? Have you ever thanked your spouse for driving the kids’ carpool? What about for mowing the lawn, seeing that there are clean clothes in the closet, reading to the kids, helping with their homework, etc. Every day we do hundreds of things that show our love and support for each other and our families but most go unrecognized. We take the everyday actions of family life for granted.

Perhaps it’s time we afforded our families the same courtesy we give to strangers every day of the week. Starting today, recognize the contributions your spouse makes to family life. Say “thank you” for all the little ways they show their love and support. Acknowledge their efforts and show them how much you appreciate what they do. Make a conscious effort to say “thank you” for the small contributions as well as the big ones. It will make a difference and, I believe, will change your life for the better. 

Gossip is the only sound that travels faster than sound.