Divorce Without Dishonor

When I was in law school one of the adjunct professors was a circuit court judge with years of experience presiding over cases involving dueling parents arguing about virtually every aspect of their children’s lives. His advice, probably the best advise in three years of law school, was to know your judge. His Honor was not speaking about knowing the judge personally (although that never hurts) but knowing what he or she is likely to do in any given situation or factual scenario. What does that mean?

In a contested child custody case, when it is all said and done, you will have given a great portion of your child’s future determinations to a virtual stranger in a black robe. Why? The judge does not know your children and probably never will. Before you let a judge decide your children’s fate you might want to ask yourself a few questions such as: How long has this judge been a judge and how many child custody cases has he or she decided? What are her pet peeves? Does she tend to favor men or women. What did he do before becoming a judge? What is his judicial temperament like? How much time will he give us to present our case? Has he been divorced? Is he arrogant and egotistical? Will she like me? Will she like my ex? Does she have children? Does my lawyer think the judge is good, bad, intelligent or dumb as a bag of rocks?

People often tend to forget that judges are people, people who likely either knew the governor or knew people close to the governor in order to get appointed. Judges are not necessarily appointed because they are smart. There is no judgeship test or certification to wear the robe once appointed (that is appointed and not anointed as some may think).

There are many judges who care deeply about the divorce and child custody litigants that come before them. There are many fine judges that have earned the respect of the lawyers and the citizens that appear before them. They may have the best of intentions and have all the good qualities one may hope for and yet they may make a ruling that will haunt you and your family for years to come. Why would you let this happen?

While judges generally receive a great deal of respect you cannot forget that they are people too and we all have shortcomings and we all have faults and areas of our lives that could use some improvement. A judge goes to work just like anyone else. For a judge, deciding the custody and child access issues of your case would be just a routine part of any given day; just another day at the office. Don’t lose sight of these sorts of things when you decide to take your business to the courthouse. From this day forward, make sure you are in the business of co-parenting.

And remember, when a court order is entered it lasts until your child reaches the age of majority unless modified by agreement or subsequent court order. Look for alternatives to litigation and do all you can to Stop Fighting Over the Kids.