By Mike Mastracci

“Whether one looks at deception from the child’s perspective of “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” or whether viewed as a serious, straightforward moral or religious tenant such as “Thou shalt not lie,” the truth is often hard to uncover; so too are lies. In a child custody case, when the truth is expected to come from the witness stand, under oath where one is sworn to “tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” veracity can be especially evasive, misinterpreted, or worse.”

Often the practice of law has little to do with the truth and everything to do with the perception of truth. When it comes to child custody disputes this is fait accompli. Often though, in child custody cases too much emphasis is actually placed on discerning the truth of inconsequential parental allegations and defenses. Whether one or the other parents was fired for stealing from their former employer before the child at issue was born, for example, may still seem very damaging to his or her credibility, especially if they get caught lying about it, but this type of coup will not win a custody battle.

All too often, dueling parents overlook the fact that it is how and to what degree that things affect their children that impacts the most upon a judge’s decision in awarding custody. Child custody litigants are often frustrated when the other side has clearly been caught in certain lies and the judge seems to overlook or ignore them. Indeed, some categories of lies will never likely determine the final outcome of a highly contested child custody case; often many prevarications from the witness stand really do not matter. However, there are certain kinds of falsehoods that not only damage one’s case, but most certainly negatively impact children of separated or divorcing parents; they are lies to, about, from, and involving the children.

Often in contested custody cases, parents and children are required to be “evaluated” and reports are made and submitted to the court. One of the more difficult and potentially damaging areas of child custody litigation occurs when the case involves mental health evaluations and clinical interviews. These evaluations and clinical interviews can take on many forms and serve a variety of purposes for the finder of fact. When child custody litigants and their children are required to submit to court ordered evaluations a whole new quagmire of complex problems can result.

It is in this context that lies can have a significant impact. An evaluator may be called as a witness to testify as to their “findings” and their opinions based on information they have obtained from the parties or their respective allies and the children at issue. Evaluators and mental health providers may also be called upon to opine on relevant hypothetical questions from the attorneys or the presiding judge. When the findings and opinions of the “experts” are flawed because of false information, the rules of reason and logic may lead to the wrong conclusions. Remember, it is the judge, who is supposed to sift through all the conflicting testimony and weigh all the factors as to what is ultimately his or her “best guess” as to what is in the child’s best interests. When the truth goes undetected in these situations in particular, a great deal of damage can be done. When information used by court appointed evaluators is obtained from, or intentionally omitted by, parents and children who do not tell the truth the child’s best interests may not truly be served. The problem is compounded in clinical custody evaluations when the parents deliberately lie or misinform the evaluators. Unfortunately, this is a common problem.

There is a well-known negative impact on children exposed to such parental conflict and deception. Typically children are struggling with loyalty conflicts when dealing with divorce and the last thing they need is to be involved in some deceptive practice by one of the parents where the child is required to demonstrate greater loyalty to one parent over the other.

When lies involve the perceptions of those caught in the middle, or when parents place their children in the throws of their own deceptive practices, making the correct decision becomes a more difficult task for the trier of fact. When parents lie and involve their children, they usually do so at the expense of their children’s psychological well-being.

Filed under: Child Access Issues, Communicating with Your Ex, Positive Parenting | Tagged: child custody, lies and deception, litigants, Positive Parenting