Different houses; different rules. That’s a difficult concept for a child. Children thrive in ordered environments. They feel safe when they know what the rules are and what will happen when they break them. And consistency counts. Children have a little trouble understanding “exceptions.”

But life is full of exceptions. When parents divorce, they may no longer agree on the rules that will govern their children’s behavior. Out of guilt, some parents refuse to set rules, giving in to their child’s every demand. They confuse leniency with an expression of love. When parents refuse to parent, they unfairly transfer the burden of responsibility to their children who are not yet mature enough to handle that level of responsibility. The result is frustration, anger and fear. Children need consistent rules to feel safe.

Collaborative divorce sets a cooperative groundwork that allows parents to work together to establish rules for their children. Parents who can agree on major rules like discipline, homework and curfews provide a more stable lifestyle for their children as they travel between the two homes. However, parents also need to be flexible about accepting lifestyle differences and priorities. You have to expect differences in house rules such as chores, snacking and wakeup and bedtime routines. In a collaborative environment, you can work together for the good of your children, while still exerting your own independence.

Filed under: Collaborative Family Law, Communicating with Your Ex, Positive Parenting | Tagged: child rearing, divorce, divorce without dishonor, parenting skills, shared custody