Divorce Without Dishonor

Mattie J.T.Stepanek, Poet and Peacemaker – (July 17, 1990 to June 22, 2004)

 What is the one thing that we all never have enough of, that we cannot ever get back? It runs our lives and ends our lives? It can be good and bad, happy and sad. It dictates our existence and controls every thing we do, and you can’t put a price on it? You guessed it – TIME. 

One lesson that I learned during my struggles through many of the issues that you now face, is to take as many setbacks as possible and spin something positive out of it. When handed lemons – make lemonade. People who go through tragedies or other life-changing experiences often come away with great wisdom and insight. They see life differently and they value things that are often taken for granted. Separation and divorce can be both a tragedy and a positive life changing experience. It is often a conscious choice that defines the outcome. When it comes to your parenting, your newborn life can give you a renewed opportunity to further appreciate the gift of parenthood. You can also become a far better parent than you may have otherwise been by staying in an unhealthy relationship.
 
Mattie’s Journey Through Heart Songs

A heartsong is something deep inside each of us. It’s our sense of why we are here and how we can keep going. It is like a purpose.  –- Mattie J.T.Stepanek, Poet and Peacemaker – (July 17, 1990 to June 22, 2004)

 It is especially sad when children have limited amount of time due to sickness and premature death.

In October of 2001, the same month as yet another court order was received in my personal ongoing child custody saga, I met young Mattie J.T. Stepanek at a book-signing event for the eleven-year-old poet who suffered a terminal illness known as Mitochondrial Myopathy, a fatal type of muscular dystrophy.  Mattie began dictating poetry at age 3.  Before he died at the young age of 13 on June 22, 2004, three of his siblings had already died of the same illness.  Mattie depended on oxygen bottles and a ventilator to breathe.  Mattie’s mother Jennie, was also largely confined to a wheelchair.  She was diagnosed with the genetic disease after giving birth to all of her children.  Mattie’s short-lived rise to fame began implausibly enough with a good deed. 

In June of 2001, a public relations specialist, Marissa Garis, at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, DC, contacted Sheryl and Peter Barnes of VCP Books, a small company that operated out of a cottage next to the couple’s home in Alexandria, Virginia.  Anyway, Marissa Garis knew Sheryl Barnes and when she heard Mattie’s story she sought out Sheryl and her husband, Peter.  Garis told Sheryl that Mattie suffered from a rare and fatal disease and that he might live only a few days longer.  Marissa, like anyone who came in touch with Mattie was in awe.  On what appeared to be his deathbed, at the time, Mattie had three wishes.  The first was to have a book of poems published. His second wish was to talk with his hero, “peacemaker” Jimmy Carter.  And third, he wanted to talk about his poems on the Oprah Winfrey show. 

Surprisingly enough, Mattie had these dreams for nearly half of his short life.  It appeared that it was going to be either now or never.  In less than 6 months time, Mattie would ride down the isle in his motorized wheelchair and receive a heartfelt hug from no other than Oprah Winfrey in front of a national audience.  That show aired on October 19, 2001 and Journey Through Heartsongs made the New York Times Best Selling List on November 11, 2001.  Heartsongs hit the mark the following week. In his brief lifetime, Mattie had five Heartsong books of poetry published.

To this day I do not remember how it was or where it was that I heard about Mattie and his upcoming appearance scheduled at Hooters Restaurant, in Baltimore at Harbor Place.  It was strange.  I was moved by the story and knew at once that I would have to meet this special child and purchase his book.  I decided that I was going to take Nicholas with me.  My son was eight at the time. I thought that it would be good to introduce him to a young boy with disabilities who was accomplishing so much in spite of his “handicap.” I swear to you, I did not decide to go because the book-signing event was being held at Hooters.  (As you know Hooters is known for serving delicious chicken wings)! 

When I met Mattie and his mother Jen, I sat in amazement as Mattie signed my book and spoke so lovingly to everyone that he met.  Mattie clearly had an effect on me and my “attitude of gratitude.”  I was deeply saddened when I heard of his passing.  I remember seeing several news clips and special tributes to his life and his work, as well as hearing a long list of celebrities, dignitaries, and other influential people,
including former president Jimmy Carter, and Oprah Winfrey who came from afar to attend his funeral. 

My personal favorite poem from Mattie is: Circle of Happiness.
Circle of Happiness
I am a little kid
For you to love.
I am a little kid
For you to hug and kiss.
I am a little kid
For you to say
“You are so special,”
Yes you are too.
I am a little kid
For all of those things
And more.
And when you
Feel and say and do
All of those things.
I will be a little kid
Who will love you.
I will be a little kid
Who will hug and kiss you.
I will be a little kid
Who will say to you,
“You are so special, too.
Yes you are.”
I will be a little kid
Who will do all of those things
And more.
And that is what
Happiness
Is all about.

To learn more about the life and legacy of Mattie J. T. Stepanek, Poet and Peacemaker, stop by www.MattieOnline.com and as Mattie inspired, “Remember to play after every storm.”