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This month’s Divorce Without Dishonor e-newsletter focuses on why fathers tend to disappear from their children’s lives after divorce. Known as “Ghost Dads,” they continue to send support checks but are physically absent from their children’s lives, ultimately becoming “ghosts” to their kids.
For many dads, the separation seems to be a matter of both shame and self-preservation. In the competitive masculine world with its focus on winning, divorce is seen as failure, as losing. Post-divorce conflict over child support, parenting and visitation only augments feelings of failure. Coupled with dating, remarriage or job relocation, these factors can strain a father’s relationship with his family to the breaking point. Some men simply grow weary of fighting and give up. New girlfriends or wives can exert additional pressure on fathers to spend less time with their children. Pushing away from the pain and anger of a situation they cannot control, fathers abandon the children they love to become “ghost dads.”
The all too common phenomenon is a tragedy for the entire family, particularly the children. Collaborative divorce can create an avenue of communication and an atmosphere of respect that encourages fathers to remain a vibrant part of their children’s lives. Click here for more information on collaborative divorce.
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