Divorce Without Dishonor

Divorce is devastating to children and their parents. Divorce changes the family structure and each parent’s relationship to his children. In many divorces, like the Alec Baldwin/Kim Basinger divorce (see our September 4 post), children get caught in the middle between two dueling parents. Unfortunately, it’s the children who get hurt.

Too often divorcing parents seek to monopolize their child’s attention and affection. They may want to hurt the other parent or they may be trying to fill the void in their heart caused by the disaffection of their spouse. The acrimonious battlefield typical of many divorces only fans the flames of fear, anger and  frustration.

Children are turned inside out by divorce. Their whole world is shaken to its  core. To be caught between two battling parents creates severe emotional stress. To a child, each parent is still mom or dad and they love each parent as they always have. Divorcing parents who love their children will recognize this truth and seek to create an atmosphere during and after divorce in which both parents can continue to support their children and work together for the good of their children.

Collaborative divorce provides that atmosphere. Collaborative divorce is not acrimonious. There is no winner, no loser. Collaborative law encourages cooperative, non-combative behavior between mature, responsible adults. By agreeing to avoid litigation, both divorcing spouses and their attorneys are committed to reaching a mutually agreeable settlement. Collaborative divorce supports each member of the family, especially the children.

Click here to find out more about collaborative divorce. 

Celebrity divorce makes big headlines. We’re often shocked and dismayed by the ugly behavior of our favorite stars toward each other and toward their children. But the hateful game-playing, vicious mud-slinging and child-damaging behavior that grabs Hollywood headlines goes on behind the closed doors of countless American homes every single day.

A case in point: In April, Alec Baldwin unleashed a tirade of invective against 11-year-old daughter Ireland, calling her a "thoughtless little pig." Angry that his daughter had missed an appointed phone call, Baldwin went into a rage, leaving a four-letter tirade on the child’s answering machine.

"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone," raged Baldwin in his message, adding, "you have insulted me for the last time." After slurring mom, Kim Basinger, Baldwin continued, "This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again." Before slamming the phone down, Baldwin threatened, "You better be ready Friday to meet with me."

In the ongoing six-year battle for their daughter’s affections, Basinger used the tape to obtain a court order temporarily suspending Baldwin’s visitation rights. Then her publicist leaked the tape to the press. Baldwin has since apologized for his language to his daughter, his ex-wife and the public.

A friend of Baldwin’s tried to put his behavior in perspective, explaining that  Ireland is the most important thing in the world to Alec and he was frustrated because over the last six years, Kim has tried everything to alienate daughter and father.

This kind of damaging behavior is no less disturbing when it happens without the headlines. Fear, anger and frustration over the alienation of their children’s affections drive many parents to tirades and behaviors similar to Baldwin’s. Next time we’ll talk more about the effect your relationship with your spouse has on your children. Through collaborative divorce there are solutions that support each member of the family. Stay tuned!

Don’t belittle yourself, your friends will do it for you.