Divorce Without Dishonor

Divorce used to be approached with whispered shame. In the 1940s divorce was scandalous; a divorced woman became a social pariah. In the 1970s divorce was more common but still the stuff of malicious neighborhood gossip. We viewed divorce with angst and regret, the movie Kramer vs Kramer typifying America’s response to divorce. Today, one out of every two marriages fails. No-fault divorces allow couples to separate without blame and finger pointing. Regret lingers, but divorce happens and life moves on.

Major changes have occurred in divorce law and social acceptance, but myths based on the past live on. Let’s debunk a few of the most prevalent myths.

• If I move out of our house, I’ll lose all rights to it.
  Your house is part of your communal property. It’s ownership will be considered fairly during property division. You retain your rights to your home even if you don’t live in it.
• Our house is in my spouse’s name, so he’ll get the house.
  It doesn’t matter whose name is on the title, your house is communal property. Generally, when you get married, assets you each bring to the marriage are considered jointly owned for the purpose of divorce, including the marital home.
• When it’s over, it’s over.
  Not exactly. You and your spouse can return to court to change portions of your divorce. Major changes in life circumstances like loss of a job, significant promotion, a spouse moving out-of-state, severe illness, children going to college etc. may necessitate a change in the original terms.
• If my spouse or I remarry, he won’t have to support our children.
  Your spouse will always be responsible for the support of his  children until they are legal age and sometimes beyond. The first family is primary in the eyes of the court and its needs come first in subsequent marriages.
• My spouse had an affair, so he won’t get anything.
  While the conduct of both parties is considered in the equitable distribution of property, it does not determine how assets will be divided. However, if one spouse spent large amounts of money on the affair, the other spouse may be credited with that dollar amount when assets are divided.
• Divorce is a mud-slinging battle.
  Life does not have to imitate art. Movies like War of the Roses often depict divorce as acrimonious and hateful. Divorce does not have to be a battlefield. Mediation uses a third party to guide divorcing spouses to agreement. Collaborative law recognizes the needs and difficulties of both parties. Lawyers who practice collaborative law help divorcing spouses work together to divide their lives and support their children in an atmosphere of cooperation.

Contact me to learn more about collaborative law and divorce without dishonor.