Entries (RSS)
There are three essential steps to ensuring a healthy divorce (see our August 18 and 28 posts). The final and most difficult step is the redefining of parental roles. You and your spouse must set aside your anger and disappointment with each other for the good of your children and learn to parent together.
In their anger and hurt, many divorcing parents try to push the other parent out of their children’s lives. This can be disastrous for your children. The two most important factors in ensuring your child’s successful adjustment after divorce are:
- Frequent and continuing interaction with both parents, and
- Parents’ ability to co-parent effectively.
You and your spouse must come to an agreement on sharing time with and responsibility for your children. You must respect your child’s right to be with his other parent and the other set of grandparents and relatives. You need to find ways for both families to attend school events, sporting activities, teachers meetings, share birthdays and holidays, etc.
The goal is to create a new family system. Though It starts with two families, each headed by a single parent; over time it may grow to accommodate remarriage and blended families. If you and your spouse can continue to act together in your children’s best interests, you and your children will be able to make a healthy adjustment to the divorce and any changes that come later.
What about the children? You must work with your former spouse to create a new family system that supports and gives stability to your children. Refrain from using your children as go-betweens. Forcing your child to choose between parents or placing him in the middle between two warring parents, both of whom the child loves, places unbearable stress on your child. Your child will always need both of his parents in his life.
