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For some divorcing couples, their house is just a place to sleep at night. They have no emotional investment in their home or community and no children to uproot. For such couples it may be prudent to sell the home to give both parties the capital to start new lives in new locations. For other couples who are heavily invested in their neighborhoods, the family home may represent continuity and stability. Friends, neighbors, churches and schools can provide a powerful support network to help a divorcing family, particularly the children. Staying in the family home may provide necessary stability in your chidren’s lives.
When deciding whether or not to sell the family home, consider the following:
Reasons to sell
- mortgage payments are too high
- upkeep will require too much time and energy
- equity is needed to pay debts and finance new living arrangements for both parties
- too many bad memories, a psychological need to start fresh
- debt makes refinancing or buy-out impossible
Reasons not to sell
- provides needed stability for spouse and children
- moving would uproot children from school, activities and friends which provide them with a significant sense of security
- mortgage payments are affordable
- spouse has ability and resources to maintain the home
- assets are sufficiently diversified and not limited to home equity
- tax advantages
Unless your debt and finances simply don’t allow the option, you should carefully consider the stability staying the family home will provide your children, particularly if they are of school age. Divorce causes such massive upheaval in your children’s lives — upheaval over which they have no control — that the ability to remain in their home, in a familiar neighborhood where they know the people and places, in a familiar school with people they know and who know them, gives children a much-needed anchor in their lives. Studies have shown that children cope better with divorce when less of their world changes.
Making the decision about whether to keep or sell your home is often driven by finances. But if you and your spouse can work together for the sake of your children, you may be able to arrive at a compromise that allows your children the stability of remaining in the family home. If one spouse cannot buy out the other, consider deferring the sale until the children graduate from high school. There are always options; that’s what divorce without dishonor is all about.
