Divorce Without Dishonor

Alimony.’ Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce.’ Also called spousal support or spousal maintenance.

Alternative dispute resolution (ADR).’ Methods of resolving legal disputes without going to trial, in a less adversarial manner, such as through arbitration or mediation.

Arrearage.’ The amount of money that is past due for child or spousal support.
Child support.’ Money that a non-custodial parent pays to the custodial parent for their child(ren)’s support.

Child support guidelines.’ Guidelines established by statute or rule in each jurisdiction that set forth the manner in which child support must be calculated, generally based on the income of the parents and the needs of the children.

Custody.’ Having rights to your child.’ Custody can be either legal, which means that you have the right to make important decisions about your child’s welfare, or physical, which means that the child lives with and is raised by you.

Decree.’ The court’s written order or decision finalizing the divorce, often issued in conjunction with the court’s judgment.

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Another good article about the benefits of collaborative divorce by Barbara Yost at The Arizona Republic:

When Naomi Garcia sought a divorce in late 2005, a friend recommended attorney Deborah Pratte, who specialized in a process called collaborative divorce. The idea promised a less contentious approach to dissolving a marriage.

Garcia and her husband had been married for 17 years and wanted to spare their 8-year-old daughter the pain of a rancorous split.

"We were extremely concerned about not creating a negative experience for her," the Tucson woman said.

As a social worker, Garcia had seen the wounds that warring parents inflict on their children. "I saw divorce as part of the evil," she said.

Garcia and her husband wanted their divorce to be amicable. Within two months, most of the process had been completed, and the two remained on good terms.

Amicable divorce need not be an oxymoron when couples resolve to put their differences aside and use collaborative law to end a marriage. This style of divorce, created by a Minnesota attorney in 1990, is spreading across the country.

The goal of collaborative divorce is to spare couples and their families the pain and expense of the knock-down, drag-out fights that can be part of a litigated divorce.

"It came about because (attorneys and clients) got weary of the fight," said Phoenix family lawyer David Horowitz, who handles many collaborative cases.

Collaborative divorce can be less costly than a divorce that drags on through the courts. The Garcias paid just $2,500 each.

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Divorce these days surrounds us. Children everywhere are affected. It affects our grandkids, our nieces and nephews, our neighbors, our students or patients, and many other kids that touch our daily lives. Sometimes on the outside it’s hard to know what to do. So just what can you do? Follow this link to find ten great suggestions to help make a difference for a child of divorce you might know:

Read more by following this link:

http://sheknows.com/about/look/7904.htm#more

An uncontested divorce is where husband and wife can reach a decision as to the terms of the divorce without going to trial. While no divorce is truly "uncontested" in the sense that there are no disagreements, these disagreements do not always have to be resolved in court.

Uncontested divorce is the way most people divorce. Compared to the protracted litigation usually involved in contested divorces, an uncontested divorce is simpler, far less expensive and much quicker. Uncontested divorce also offers you and your spouse the opportunity to end your marriage quietly and with dignity. While uncontested divorce is not viable for every divorcing couple, it is appropriate for many more couples than some divorce lawyers like to admit.

Believe it or not, you and your spouse do not have to yet agree on every issue for an uncontested divorce to be right for you. It’s not so much a question of agreement as a desire to minimize the legal expenses badly enough that you are motivated to stop fighting, stay in control, and work together as you end your marriage.

If you and your spouse do not yet agree on each and every issue of your divorce, that just means you have some negotiating to do. Mediation can be a useful tool to help you and your spouse find common ground on the difficult issues facing the both of you.

The most obvious advantage of uncontested divorce is its cost. Generally, an uncontested divorce that stays uncontested is almost always the least expensive way of getting divorced. I’m a big believer in finding the least expensive way to divorce. The simple fact is that any money you can avoid spending on lawyers is money you can use for living expenses after the divorce.Low cost is not the only advantage of uncontested divorce. If the level of conflict between you and your spouse is currently low, uncontested divorce offers a way to keep it that way.

An uncontested divorce is also more private than a divorce battle waged in open court. The terms you and your spouse negotiate and file with the court will be a matter of public record, but the disclosures and proposals made during negotiation can remain private, unlike the dirty laundry aired in open court. 

Another positive attribute of uncontested divorce is that a divorce decree can be obtained much more quickly than in a contested divorce. In Oklahoma, if there are no children of the marriage, a divorce decree can be issued within ten days of the filing of the divorce petition. If minor children are involved, there is a ninety day waiting period. On the other hand, an average time to complete a contested divorce case would be closer to six months or maybe longer depending on the complexity of the case and the level of cooperation between the parties.

Borrowed From:

http://oklahomafamilylawblog.typepad.com

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Mary Whisner at shlep, the legal self-help blog, points to an article on "The Many Costs of Conflict"

What do you make of a new book on divorce for women by attorney Sherri Donovan: Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More.

Mary Whisner at shlep, the legal self-help blog, points to an article on "The Many Costs of Conflict" by dispute resolution consultant Stewart Levine, which describes the heavy financial, emotional, and other tolls that conflict exacts.

According to Levine, these include:

Direct Cost: Fees of lawyers and other professionals

Productivity Cost: Value of lost time. The opportunity cost of what those involved would otherwise be producing.

Continuity Cost: Loss of ongoing relationships including the "community" they embody

Emotional Cost: The pain of focusing on and being held hostage by your emotions
It made me wonder what shlep and Levine would make of a new book on divorce for women by attorney Sherri Donovan: Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce–Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More.

The pugilistic theme doesn’t end with the title: the book jacket is adorned with a photo of a blood-red boxing glove. Chapters include "Are You Ready to Rumble?", "Divorce Ain’t for Sissies", "Sizing Up Your Opponent", "Conditioning for the Fight of Your Life", and "Psyching Up for the Fight".

It should leave us all asking what kind of casualties result when divorce is framed as either prizefight or combat.

As in traditional family law/divorce cases, your lawyer supports only you and your spouse’s lawyer supports only your spouse. In the collaborative process, both lawyers are trained to consider the other parties

In order for a case to be Collaborative, there must be a signed Collaborative Agreement. If a lawyer tells you he or she can work "collaboratively" with your spouse’s attorney, without the risks and rewards of the Collaborative Participation contract, it is not truly a Collaborative matter. Such a lawyer may be more concerned with preserving his or her opportunity to earn fees in litigation and this may be an impediment to the empowerment you can receive by utilization of the Collaborative Process.

The cornerstone of Collaborative Practice is the Participation Agreement, and the backbone of the Agreement is its Disqualification Clause. If you have decided that the Collaborative Process can "provide the story you want your children to tell of their parents’ divorce", only by taking the metaphorical club out of the attorneys’ hands, can you eliminate the immediate threat of a "War of the Roses" scenario.

In its most basic form, the Collaborative Family Law process is identified as two clients and two attorneys, bound by a formal agreement, who use a collaborative approach to avoid submitting contested issues to the court.

***excerpted from The New York Times, February 27, 2007:

ALBANY, Feb. 26

Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn’t make me stronger.

-Lou Holtz