Divorce Without Dishonor

     As in traditional divorce cases, your lawyer supports you and your spouse’s lawyer supports your spouse. But in collaborative family law, both lawyers must also practice collaborative law. Before the process begins, all of you — lawyers and clients– formally contract to work together to resolve your divorce issues. Both lawyers are then, by agreement, forbidden to take the case to court. In other words, all efforts are aimed at settlement and because of the full disclosure and mediation like methods utilized, if the parties later chose to "fight it out" in court, they will need to retain a new set of attorneys for litigation purposes. This provides incredible incentive to stay committed to reaching agreements and settling important issues.

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• A woman’s perfect breakfast:  She is sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee waiting for her personal trainer to arrive. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton!

• A woman’s revenge: As the clerk at Nordstroms folded the items the woman wished to purchase, he asked, "Cash, check or charge?"

As she fumbled through her wallet, the young cashier noticed a remote control for a television set inside the lady’s purse.

"Mam, do you always carry your TV remote, " he politely asked.

"No, " she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

A few more…..

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    Collaborative family law focuses on all involved parties reaching a mutually agreed upon settlement of their disputes. The process results in valuable benefits.

• It creates a cooperative environment where communication remains open, which provides a setting where you can work with your spouse to meet your children’s needs — regardless of their ages. That helps a tone for open communication and reduced conflict in the future.
• It establishes a team instead of adversaries. Your lawyer supports you; your spouse’s lawyer supports your spouse. But you all work together and, in doing so, retain control of the process.
• In matters requiring expert opinions, both parties can jointly hire one independent consultant. That helps shorten the duration of the case and reduce the overall expense.
• You and your spouse shape the agreement together — which means you both are more likely to keep them. That diminishes the parental conflict the adversarial system generates and helps protect children from facing the anguish and divided loyalties that result.
• You can schedule meetings without waiting for court dates. That means you generally spend less time and, as a result, less money to reach closure. It also means you reduce the fear and anxiety associated with court proceedings.
• Your issues stay within the collaborative law setting. That gives more privacy and greater confidentially — and less stress during an already stressful time.

    In collaborative law, your lawyer’s continued employment depends on the ability to design acceptable settlement options  That means if the collaborative law process proves unsuccessful or either party wants litigation, both lawyers must withdraw from the case. They will then help their clients find trial lawyers and will work to make a quick, efficient transition. Although your lawyer will refund any unused fees, your new lawyer will likely require a substantial retainer fee if the case is headed to court for a contested hearing.

Newsweek Health September 25, 2006 Fighting Over the Kids: Battered spouses take aim at a controversial custody strategy.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14870310/site/newsweek/from/ET/

This interesting article says that parental alienation is now the "leading defense" for parents accused of abuse in custody cases involving documented spousal abuse in custody cases, according to domestic violence advocates. Under the parental alienation theory, children fear or reject one parent because they have been corrupted or coached to lie by the other.

This year the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges denounced the theory as "junk science," and at least four states have passed legislation to curtail its use in custody cases involving allegations of domestic violence.

Don’t people who know anything about acrimonious custody litigation realize that there are indeed very many real cases of parents brain washing their children. I think to call it "junk science" is being too close minded. While it makes sense that DV advocates would dismiss parental alienation altogether, it does exist and it is not just an abuser’s trumped up "defense."  It is a real problem faced by many good parents, that is not looked at in enough detail and with sufficient scrutiny in cases where parents, usually women, routinely, and methodically, intentionally unreasonably deny access and involvement to the children to "punish" their ex’s and/or to exert their own form of power and control and abuse, whether as "payback" or for other self-serving reasons. Let’s talk about it on this Blog!

Courtesy of: Maryland Collaborative Law Association, Inc., 2004

COLLABORATIVE FAMILY LAW PARTICIPATION AGREEMENT

The parties to this COLLABORATIVE FAMILY LAW PARTICIPATION AGREEMENT (Agreement) include the SPOUSES (Spouses) and the ATTORNEYS (Attorneys) as delineated at the end of this Agreement.

Preface

The Participants shall use a form of alternative dispute resolution referred to as the Collaborative Law Process (Process) as promulagated by the Maryland Collaborative Law Association, Inc. (MCLA)

The Participants agree:

1.  INTRODUCTION

1.1 The Process is based on the shared belief of the Participants that it is in the best interests of Spouses and their family to resolve their differences with less contention than typically incurred in adversarial litigation.  The Spouses seek to adopt this conflict resolution alternative to judicial determination of the issues, and to forge self-directed solutions for their disputes rather than court determined solutions, as set forth in this Agreement. The Participants understand and agree this alternative process requires an atmosphere of honesty, cooperation, integrity, and professionalism.

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The Divorce Without Dishonor seminar and lecture series is under way! From now on, the Divorce Without Dishonor Power point presentation will be hosted at various libraries  throughout the Baltimore County  area. The seminar has been developed in conjunction with the Maryland Collaborative Law Association and is presented in furtherance of the “Families, Fairness and Justice” introduction to Collaborative Family Law public awareness campaign. For more information and a schedule of upcoming presentations, please contact: Michael A. Mastracci @ (410) 869-3400 or email: mike@mikethelawyer.com

In addition to the group seminars, “Divorce Without Dishonor,” personalized divorce and child custody and child access coaching services are also provided through the Divorce Without Dishonor program(s) and protocol through the Law offices of Michael A. Mastracci, LLC. Call now for a free telephone consultation regarding the methods used and benefits achieved by adhering to the Divorce without Dishonor program(s). Call Now: Michael A. Mastracci, Esquire @ (410) 869-3400 Email: mike@mikethelawyer.com

These might be contained in a small section and/or spread sporadically throughout the book where appropriate?

1. WARNING ! Litigation can be harmful to your children’s health. (Proceed with caution!)
2. Everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.

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